My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
