so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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