I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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