The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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