When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
