Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
