Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
