it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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