I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
