A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
