with your own penis?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
