k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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