I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to make out with him forever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
