Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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