I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
