Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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