overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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