Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we have pet lesbian snakes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
