porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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