apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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