Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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