Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
