Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
