so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
