you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
