dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
