she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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