it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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