So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
