i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
