you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
