yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
