just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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