this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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