every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
