you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
