I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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