I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
