Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
