I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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