i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
