JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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