The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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