Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
