this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How external is "for external use only"?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
