People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
