let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
