If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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