Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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