is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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