Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
