Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bring me that man meat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
