Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
