I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
