Apparently you make a good broom.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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