I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
