On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
