Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize