we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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