Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
