I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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