I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
