i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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