i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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