Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
