I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
