Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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