Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
