i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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