at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize