I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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