I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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