We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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