About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
