even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
