You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize