capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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