So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't turn off my feet"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
