i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
