it wasn't lemon gatorade
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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